It's Tyra!!!! - ANTM Week 11

Oh hi...what a week hey? Didn't I see you at the Met Ball? Weren't you the one hiding under my bff Andre Leon Talley's taffeta kaftan?

You know that there's gonna be a giant kaftan challenge on the next cycle of ANTM. On to the recap!

What did we learn about Tyra this week?

Tyra has been keeping a low profile in Morocco. Also...I just realized that Tyra has not done any photography or directing this cycle. Really? She doesn't want to recreate this masterpiece?

The only real insight we get into the mind of the great Tyra of Oz is that she hates it when people tell her that she looks better in person than in her photos. She made her living by her photos, smizing and what not, so you best not tell her she wasn't good at her job.

"Shut your mouth! I do not look better than this in person"

Did we learn anything else this week?

I learned that my patience for watching Hannah is wearing thin. She's...ugh. I never trust the way girls are portrayed on reality tv, so I'm sure she's better in person but...ugh. Hannah and the girls are hanging out on the bed that makes Molly angry, and she decides to assign the girls personalities. Looks like Tyra's lesson on archetypes paid off! Brittani is the trailer park one, Molly is the scary one, Alexandria is the "California surfer girl who has some spice". Despite the fact that she sounded like past contestant Jade, I was happy that Alexandria challenged what Hannah said and announced that she stood for much more than Hannah's archetype...and is in the competition to change the world one day.

"Change is coming...one bonnet at a time"

I think Hannah declared her own archetype to be "girl next door" (the archetype that Tyra assigned her), but I forget. I must have dozed off after Hannah spoke for more than 30 seconds.

Miss J comes to visit the girls and brings them their portfolios. He lets them know they are going to meet a very important client for tea...Franca Sozzani, editrix of Italian Vogue. Miss J gets to stay with the girls and hold the books. 

"No, I am not Raspberry Tart this week, I'm the Berry Princess!"

Franca seems professional and friendly. Alexandria seems the most impressive during the meeting. She's the only one who thinks to offer to pour the tea (polite!), plus she and Brittani are the only ones shown asking Franca any questions. I'm starting to get behind Alexandria this episode, which can only mean one thing: dum de dum dum dum!!

After tea with Franca, Miss J introduces the girls to Noor - a professional tea tray dancer. Noor is there to teach the girls how to dance with a tray holding a tea set on their heads. During the lesson Brittani is terrible and can't keep the tray on her head. No one really does all that well (surprise). There is a lot of talk about how Alexandria should do well because she has a flat head. 

Boooooooooooooooooo.

Miss J tells the girls their challenge will be to perform in front of a live audience. Hannah decides to practice the balancing while taking off her pants...no, you know what? I'm not even going to continue talking about this dumb challenge. Without fail, the episode of ANTM where we're down to the final four has a ridiculously lame challenge. 

Brittani ends up winning, and the prize is a private runway lesson with Miss J. Brittani is given the option of bringing a girl with her, and she chooses Hannah. Brittani pretty hilariously tells the camera that she doesn't want to be rude but she chose Hannah because she needs the most help. This becomes evident when we see footage of their lesson. Miss J is not impressed.

The girls are wandering around Marrakech and decide to stop at a food stall...and eat goat brains. Right. Because that's what aspiring models totally do when they're wandering around a new city. I'm sure there was no producer interference there at all. 

After eating the brains, Brittani feels mega-sick and is worried about doing well on the next day's photo shoot. So, Tyra, you're poisoning the girls now to get drama for your show? Do you have any shame?

"I better win this fucking show"

Photo shoot time! This week the girls are wearing Issa. Nice! I am a fan. They are photographed walking around in the souk. Hannah is too "posey", Alexandria purses her lips too much, Molly is beautiful & modern, and Brittani does awesome despite her illness and rain.

"Prune, prune, prune"

Panel! This week's guest judge is Daniella Issa Helayel, the designer of Issa. The judges call up Alexandria first and zzzzzzzzzzzz. Oh sorry, panel was mega boring. In short, Alexandria = Conde Nast Traveller (not Italian Vogue), Brittani = not quite Italian Vogue, Hannah's face is bad, Molly = Franca Sozzani page and is selling the clothes. 

Deliberation! Nigel says Alexandria looks like a flight attendant in her photo. Nothing else noteworthy happens.

"Now that I'm not contractually obligated to say 'fiercely real',
I will make humourous comments"

Photos in Tyra's hands! Molly's on top, Brittani next, Hannah stays and Alexandria gets the boot. She leaves without any Jade-esque poems, so that's a plus. Au revoir bonnet!

...and in the end, it wasn't her bonnet that was her undoing, but a lowly fez...

Next week: Final 3! Brittani cries and cries! Something totally turns ALT off!

XOXO,

Emily

ALT photo via dlisted.com; bald Tyra photo via (mylot.com)