What did we learn about Tyra this week?
Tyra made an appearance prior to panel this week! She was dressed well! She spoke to the contestants about their personal problems and did not turn it back around to speak about her own life! Okay...what's going on here? Is this a Tyra impersonator? Is this that pretty young thing Raja that won Rupaul's Drag Race?
False alarm! This is the real Tyra after all. How can I tell? Why...because she makes the girls do a silly photo shoot of course! Tyra decides it is imperative to do a photo shoot with the girls where she draws on their faces with marker and puts grease in their hair. Her feedback for Hannah? "Parents next door should not trust their children with you". Yup, Tyra has returned.
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| Something About Mary hair? Sorry Hannah...you're going home. |
After the girls have washed all the shit off themselves, Tyra teaches the girls a super important modelling lesson about isolation. Basically she says that good models can move one part of their bodies without moving the others. She makes the girls practice first moving their hips, then their necks. Tyra then moves both her hips and her neck...how is this isolation? Forget it...the lesson was a cover for a stupid Tyra dance. Tyra then has the girls wear tassel hats and dance around, I guess to fill some time. I would have preferred a tasseled bonnet, but what can you do? I guess now that Alexandria is gone, the producers are making Tyra add some spice, comic relief and hats to the proceedings. Not quite tv gold, but far better than listening to Hannah tell us how awesome she is.
We also learn that Tyra has to be sewn into her panel dress. She attributes this to the fact that the dress is from London, not to her buying the wrong size. Wow, me too! I totally can't fit into my fave size 4 party dress because it is from England. It's not because I sit on the couch watching ANTM and eating pudding instead of exercising. No, sir.
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| "The zipper broke because it's English...the dog ate my homework... I care about the contestants..." |
Did anything else happen this week?
Challenge! Mr. Jay shows up at the girls' Moroccan crib and Lara Spencer from The Insider (via video message) tells the girls they will be shooting a 90 second clip about a Moroccan beauty trend. Speaking of Moroccan cribs, I'm going to digress here for a second. I was just thinking that, as fancy as the girls' Moroccan crib is, it is nowhere near as fancy as Moroccan Carey-Cannon's actual crib, which is likely made of gold records and unicorn skins.
The challenge winner will get their clip posted on The Insider website, and the girls get to choose between Argan Oil, Black Kohl and Henna. They will go to a location, get 1 hour for research and then will have one take to shoot their spot. They have an expert to interview, but are also supposed to find someone on the street to interview as well.
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| This challenge? Business. Triple split-screen = not fucking around |
The girls do okay. Brittani hilariously interviews an older man who doesn't speak English about henna (he just answers "yes" to every question), but doesn't talk to her expert and spends 10 seconds running outside. Molly does well, but she finishes too early and the spot ends with a "that was horrible". Hannah, who has studied journalism, is pretty bad. She makes lots of mistakes and does a whole bunch of uptalkin'. She tries to work in both a "drekitude" and a "smize", but runs out of time. Mr. Jay also points out that she didn't let the people she interviewed answer her questions. Molly wins!
Photoshoot! The girls stumble upon Nigel taking photos of Mr. Jay, who is dressed as Rudolph Valentino, on the beach. Perhaps for Tyra's salon?
Anyways, the girls will be photographed wearing Moroccan wedding gowns and posing with a male model. They needed to focus on narrative and creating a story in their photos. Molly also has to beware...there are weaves lurking about!
The girls get a chance to chat with Younes, the male model, prior to shooting. Younes is pretty cute, like a good looking Dan Humphrey from Gossip Girl. Neither Brittani nor Molly seems that excited to work with a male model, but Hannah knows she can do well because she can emote. Ugh.
Overall, the shoot is uneventful and we don't get too much of a sense of who does best. All the girls appear to struggle and you can see that nerves are starting to get to them. Brittani starts crying during her shoot, and appears to have some issues with men that make it hard for her to shoot with Younes. Nigel gets annoyed that Brittani cries every time he photographs her. I suspect that this drama is just inserted into the show so we doubt for a second that Hannah is going home. Brittani looks beautiful when being photographed, so my guess is that she's safe.
Panel! Nigel is not a noted fashion photographer this week, but he is looking dandy apparently. I guess he was too funny last judging or something and got into Tyra's bad books. Guest judge this week is Ivan Bart, a Senior VP bigwig at IMG models. Ron Johnson isn't coming back? Dommage. Oh wait, Nigel is a noted fashion photographer after all. Phew! Tyra decides to show 2 photos of the girls this week. Extra time to fill? Why not do more tassel hat dancing?
So, this episode has 100% been shown out of sequence. This is not a shock, but it is pretty lame that a continuity error blew their cover. The girls clearly just finished with Tyra's dumbass photo shoot when they appear at panel as all 3 have disgustingly greasy hair. That or they all put Moroccanoil in their hair on purpose (not likely as there's been no product placement). So, I guess the dancing in tasseled hats and the Nigel photo shoot were all pre-greasy hair shoot? Next cycle, don't let Tyra put shit in the contestant's hair unless you want to screw up your continuity again.
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| Were y'all swimming pre-panel? My guess is no |
Everyone gets pretty good feedback this week, except...my bff Andre Leon Talley can barely hide his dislike for Hannah. He likes her belt in the photos, but calls her foot placement "ghastly". He also makes an orgasm-y noise in agreement when Nigel tells her that her second photo looks gauche.
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| "My photo is not going to be in Tyra's hands, is it?" |
Deliberation! Nigel likes looking at photos of Brittani, but did not enjoy photographing her. This worries Ivan Bart, but ALT loves the photos. Nigel thought it was ironic that Hannah got choked up while telling them how strong she was. Hannah totally turned ALT off.
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| "I shouldn't have been so hard on that Alexandra and her bonnet" |
Ivan Bart likes Hannah's energy and thinks she's a star. Tyra also thinks she's a star, just not a star in 2011. Molly is showing ALT the clothes, the belt and he wants to highlight everything with a magic marker. FYI everyone - belts are so hot right now that ALT can't stop talking about them. Put on a belt! I'm currently wearing two. Back to Molly - Ivan Bart likes her photos, but he is psychic and doesn't know about her energy. Seriously, you are not doing well Ivan...where is Ron Johnson? Bring back that guy.
Tyra found that, after spending time with Molly (putting shit in her hair and dancing in tasseled hats), Molly was lovely! Nigel is skeptical...
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| "Did you do some kind of 'Parent Trap' switch with Raja? You're being too nice" |
Photos in Tyra's hands! Do I even have to tell you? Molly and Brittani are the final two and we finally say goodbye to Hannah. In a shocking twist, Hannah cries in her exit interview. Toodles! Good luck to you and sorry that the editors of this show made you seem like such a simpleton.
Next Week! Finale time! Covergirl commercial! Brittani falls in the fashion show! Who will win? Will Vivienne Westwood actually appear? What Strawberry Shortcake character will Miss J dress as? Will Mr. Jay continue to dress like Rudolph Valentino? Will there be bonnets? Will Tyra make Molly put that weave back on? What will you wear to your ANTM finale viewing party? What will Tyra wear? Will she have a camel toe? Will these questions ever end?
XOXO,
Emily
Raja photo via moviestvseries.com; Carey-Cannon nursery pic via lifeandstylemag.com
You are hilarious! I typed in 'ANTM isolation' because I wanted to find someone who had picked up on the ridiculousness of that moment.
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