Kids are awesome and moms love their kids...but between the Raffi and the playdates and the nurturing and such, sometimes you need a quick break. Take a breather from the "mom (or dad) zone" for a few minutes. Put the baby in the crib, grab your tea, put your feet up and enjoy!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
It's Tyra!!!! - ANTM Week 5
I am Harvard!
Another week, another predictable episode of ANTM. My 'lil peanut will not let me cut his fingernails unless he can watch tv, so I let him watch the show In The Night Garden when I give him a manicure. Even that show is less repetitive than ANTM...and the goal of In The Night Garden is teaching kids to talk through repetition! Either Tyra thinks we all need to learn about modelling as simplistically as a baby would (by making each cycle identical), or her editors are lazy. Seriously, go back and watch episode 5 of any of the past 10 cycles of ANTM, and I bet it is structured identically to tonight's snoozefest! Despite the predictability, there were a few chuckles to be had this week. Let's check it out!
"Six of you stand before me, but I only have five photos in my hand..."
What did we learn about Tyra this week?
This was another episode where Tyra doesn't show up until panel! Uh oh...did Molly threaten to beat the smize out of Tyra for having Molly's horrendous weave re-attached? I would hide too, Tyra, that weave is beat!
At panel, Tyra must have brought her bodyguards with her because she was back to being wacky. She advises my bff Andre Leon Talley that she smells good because she's wearing Eau D'Andre.
Anna Wintour, help!! Tyra stole my hat feather!
The guest judge this week was ubiquitous fashion stylist Rachel Zoe. I read on the gossip blogs today that Rachel had a little boy yesterday, so congrats to her!!! Yay babies! Anywho, I'm excited that Rachel is on the panel because I think she is way less likely to pander to Tyra's antics than most guest judges. First off, Rachel wins by wearing bigger shoulder pads than Tyra, whose cycle 16 "look" has been jackets with big shoulders. Nice one! Rachel does crank out a couple of smiles and chuckles at Tyra's attempts to be funny (contractual obligation?), but she isn't a shrinking violet to Tyra at all. My fave was when Tyra ordered Rachel to send her a jacket from her faux-fur line. I bet one of Rachel's assistants will be ordered to fart on the coat before sending it to Tyra.
In addition to the faux-fur in the photo shoot, Tyra gives us a faux-Jamaican accent. Maybe she will give a guest lecture on accents at Harvard? She can have Robin Williams help her. Tyra also busts out her best Elvis impression:
"Thank you very much"
Worst of all, Tyra does her annoying soap opera-y "emoting" thing when discussing Mikaela's photo during deliberations. She even tries a "LISTEN to me!", combined with grabbing Nigel's neck. Dang, Tyra, don't you know that "LISTEN to me!" has been trademarked by the finest soap opera character of all time -- Victor Newman? You do not want to mess with Victor Newman! Think of how you get when people try to steal "smize"!
Tyra Quote Of The Week: "You need to grab onto the handlebars of fierceness, and don't let go."
Did anything else happen this week?
A few cycles ago, friends pointed out to me that you can tell who will be voted off each week in the first 2 minutes of the episode. The girl who is getting the snips usually has a soundbite about how this week she is really going to step it up. This week we get a snippet of Dalya telling us she's going to do really well this week. Dun-dun-dun!
The challenge this week was to film a video for Covergirl, featuring Covergirl Natureluxe Foundation, with the winning video to be featured on Covergirl's website. Interesting timing, as last week on Marketplace they talked about how the marketing for this product is on the shady side. Anyways, the girls are randomly divided into teams of 3 and are assigned duties within their team: talent, writer and director. The team of Britanni, Mikaela and Kasia win the challenge, even though Mikaela swears like a sailor and Mr. Jay informs her that Covergirls do not swear.
Poor Team 3. Molly and Monique try hard to do a good job, but sadly Alexandria is the talent on their team. She is lame (surprise!) and argues with them. I'm not the biggest Monique fan, but she does a really good job of trying to manage Alexandria and she is the reason that the team does pretty well.
Most of this week's episode centers around Alexandria being Alexandria. Another horribly predictable element of all ANTM cycles is the one "bad girl" whom everyone dislikes. In Alexandria's case, I'm starting to think that she's a bit of a victim of a bad edit. The editors make her seem really oblivious this week (with her proclaiming herself a "positive, artistic, California girl", for example), and frame a comment of hers relating to her parents' abusive marriage with footage of the girls talking about how crazy Alexandria is. Low blow alert! The other contestants, lead by Monique, mean-girl out and read Alexandria's diary. Even if Alexandria is a bit of a diva, she's nowhere near as bad as Tyra...and Tyra is the most successful supermodel ever! I hope that Tyra's Harvard dorm-mates read her diary and make fun of her behind her back too.
Dear Diary, Tyra is making me wear this hat. So mean!
The photo shoot this week is at the old LA zoo. The girls are made up to look like "fashion versions of animals" while wearing Rachel Zoe faux-fur. Plus, there is a baby jaguar (or "jagwire" per Monique, or "jagwa" per Tyra)!! This leads us to find out that Monique hates cats and that Kasia does not know how to hold pets!
I iz too scareay fer teh models?
Aside from the Rachel/Tyra one-up-manship, panel is a bit blah this week. Tyra mortifies poor Jaclyn by calling her photo "freaky deaky" and pointing out that you can't see what Jaclyn is doing with her hand behind the coat. Tyra, nice of you to imply that Jaclyn was masturbating in her picture. That's so great of you...especially since YOU PICK THE PHOTOS SHOWN AT PANEL! Pick one where you can see her hand if it is that much of an issue for you.
Plus-size lady rights activist Rachel Zoe tells the panel during deliberations that she thinks Kasia looks cheap in person. Kasia is the only model she calls out. Hmmm...I wonder if she would still look cheap if she weighed 90lbs? Kind of offensive, no? Also, Tyra brings back fiercely real™this week.
We're using fiercely real again? Must we?
Hannah wins top photo, and Molly and Dalya are in the bottom 2. Molly's photo is pretty bad. Nigel's description of the photo is pretty funny: "which part is problematic...the crossed eye, the big hand, the fact that you can't see the coat or the fact that she has her sister's hair". Molly's photo is worse than Dalya's, but she gets to stay because of her horrible weave. Tyra gives her a talking to, letting her know that she should have good photos despite her weave. That being said, going with my theory that Tyra is scarred that Molly will cut a bitch, Tyra lets her stay and promises to get rid of the weave for good next week.
Don't let them cut your giant hand off too!!
Dalya is sent home. I feel bad for her because I think she was eliminated for staying drama-free and being a bit safe. She is pretty and has a great walk. Her photo was not that bad either. Sorry girl!
Next week: Tyra is back at the girls apartment! Tyra teaches the girls what she learned at Harvard Business school! The models meet their (paid extra) fans! Muddy photoshoot! No more weave for Molly! See you then!
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