It's Tyra!!!! - ANTM Week 7

Well, well, well...this lackluster season of ANTM just got a whole lot more interesting. This episode was pretty fantastic!! There's a whole bunch to get through, so let's get right to it!! Long recap alert!

What did we learn about Tyra this week?

We learned that nobody fucks with the Tyra.

Did anything else happen this week?
YES! Whoa buddy! The episode starts with the girls riding home from panel. Brittani is happy she got top photo, but is mad that Alexandria didn't get eliminated because she doesn't like her and thinks she's rude. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that we were watching America's Nicest Top Model! I'm not the biggest Alexandria fan, but these dummies should stop focusing so much on her and start trying to win. Brittani, if you continue to model, you'll learn pretty quickly that not all models are particularly nice.

"Don't make me throw my phone at you for out-smizing me, Turlington"

Mikaela also talks about how she is over being in the bottom and has had lots of experience modelling. This is pretty much the equivalent of telling us she will be stepping it up this week. Dum de-dum dum dum!!

The challenge this week mixes philanthropy with product placement. Nigel tells the girls a little about the Ford Warriors in Pink campaign, which raises money to fight breast cancer. Nothing bad to say about that charity, so go ahead and support it! The girls will be directing their own styling, and Nigel will photograph them as they embody one of the symbols of the Ford campaign. Winner gets to be in a national commercial.

Some girls do ok, and some do very well. When Nigel asks Brittani what she is thinking of, she answers, "I don't think, I just do". Lame. Also lame -- the return of Alexandria's bonnet! Burn that thing!

Lots of the girls share personal stories about friends or family affected by breast cancer and you can tell they are touched by this challenge. In the end, Nigel announces that Alexandria and her bonnet are the winners.

Oh, by the way Alexandria, you also win a car! Not the hottest car around mind you (Ford Focus), but still, way better than a meal with Miss J or some raggedy dresses. Alexandria, just make sure you find yourself a good mechanic. I used to drive a Ford Focus and I literally spent thousands of dollars getting it fixed over the years.

Sorry rotten old car, I miss you less than Nolé Marin

Just prior to Nigel and Alexandria beginning to shoot their commercial, all hell breaks loose! Brittani is badmouthing Alexandria to the other girls, and Alexandria lets them know she can hear them talking about her. Brittani then starts yelling and swearing at Alexandria.

Duh, Brittani! Covergirls don't swear! You lose!

Alexandria doesn't raise her voice at all back, and the other girls just stand around not saying too much of anything. Nigel witnesses the whole thing. Uh oh!

The super mature contestants decide to give Alexandria the silent treatment when she returns from her shoot. Beh! I'm almost starting to come around and like Alexandria and her bonnet, until she gives the following speech:

I just don't get it. I don't get what I've done. When I win a challenge finally no one feels happy for me. I'm strong. I'm alpha. I'm the lioness. I'm getting what I want because I'm gonna do it, no matter what.

Oh brother. That is some Jade-esque shit right there.

A new day dawns, and the girls are woken up by Miss J herself, not wearing a Strawberry Shortcake friend costume (thankfully) this week. She's taking them to Universal Studios (more product placement) for a private tour. On the tour, this happens:

"You were supposed to dress like Raspberry Tart this week Miss J!"

The theme for the photo shoot is being crazy for fashion. The styling is being done by Eric Daman, who is the stylist/costume designer for Gossip Girl and is brilliant at what he does. I heart him. This week's photographer is Kevin Bacon in the movie Beauty Shop:

Most of the girls do well at the shoot. Mr Jay thinks Hannah is a hot crazy mess, and that acting crazy comes naturally for Jaclyn.

Panel begins with Tyra having "weird bra stuff" going on and needing an outfit change. Nigel is back to being a noted fashion photographer.

...soon to be noted for having brutal hair!

Everything is pretty same-old, same-old with judging...until we get to Alexandria. After the judges dissect her photo, Nigel asks her about what happened with Brittani at the Ford challenge. Brittani responds that all the girls feel Alexandria was the wrong choice to win because she is not a good role model and the judges haven't seen how rude she can be. 

Nigel begins the Brittani slapdown by pointing out Brittani was unprofessional in front of him and the sponsor, and that what Alexandria does outside of work is not his business. Brittani starts crying and babbling. It's pretty apparent that she's upset that the judges now think she's a bitch, not for being a bitch to Alexandria. Tyra interrupts the sputtering and points out that role models keep their mouths shut when they feel someone is getting something they don't deserve. Poor Eric Daman looks mortified to be in the middle of all this drama.

"...and I thought Chuck Bass was a drama queen!"

Tyra tells Brittani that modelling is a business and that you have to respect your clients, coworkers and yourself. This causes Brittani to run out of the room and have a meltdown.

Tyra tells the other contestants that they are going to continue, despite Brittani's tantrum. She says, "This is fashion, darling, believe me I've seen it aaaaaaaaaaallll".

"Have you? What have you seen?
I will cut you Tyra!"

Andre has some kind words for Alexandria, and then they all wait until Brittani finally calms down. Brittani tells the judges she left because she was having a panic attack and couldn't talk. The judges tell her that her photo is just ok. Tyra offers no feedback.

The judges deliberate and really love Jaclyn and Molly this week. They think that Hannah and Kasia did just ok, and that Mikaela could have done a lot more. Zing of the week goes to Nigel, who says that the fox Alexandria was wearing on her shoulder fulfilled the brief of looking crazy in the eyes better than she did.

"When do I get my Vogue Italia photospread?"

When the judges get around to Brittani's photo, they all agree it's not great but Nigel and Andre think that she has great bone structure and is a good model. Tyra turns the topic over to her tantrums, and all agree that they have a lower opinion of her now. Tyra does not think that it is ok to be rude in the name of calling out someone for being "fake". Being rude is just as ugly as being fake, according to Tyra. Hey Tyra - can you go over to the Jersey Shore house and teach them that lesson please? Yelling at someone for being "fake" seems to be the synopsis for every episode of that show. Anywho...the three judge fellas think that there's hope for Brittani and that she's learned a lesson.

Watch it fellas! You don't want to fuck with the Tyra!

They show the contestants backstage, yipping and yipping. Alexandria is being pissy, the other girls are fairly calm and...Brittani throws another tantrum and storms out! Another panic attack? Nope...just being a bitch. Worst! We go back to the judges and Tyra looks maaaaaaad. She explains that, contrary to popular belief, Tyra does not decide on her own who gets eliminated each week. She is the last of 4 votes, and if the other 3 judges vote to keep a girl or send a girl home then Tyra is outvoted. She lets us know this is what happened when Toccara was sent home in cycle 3.

Excuse me? STFU Tyra! I am the most successful former contestant!
I was on Y & R!!!

Nigel Barker does something that makes me love him even more (bad hair and all) -- he brilliantly tells Tyra that he now agrees with her that Toccara should have stayed. Amazing!

"Strike 2 Barker...I'm about to go Naomi Campbell on your ass"

Andre, Nigel and Eric all vote for Brittani to stay. Tyra lets them know that she does not agree. This is about to get good!!

Time for the photos in Tyra's hands. Jaclyn gets top photo and Molly is second. I liked Jaclyn's photo, but Molly's is one of the best I've seen on ANTM. Thank you Eric Daman!!

Hannah, Kasia and Alexandria are safe...time for Tyra to start her speech! She tells Mikaela her smize is inconsistent and tells Brittani that her attitude is ugly. She then repeats to the girls what she relayed to the judges at panel...and makes it very clear that she is not happy with tonight's result.

"You can tell Andre not to bother calling Anna Wintour for help.
He will rue the day he fucked with the Tyra!"

Brittani stays and Mikaela goes home. Tyra very bluntly tells Brittani that she has a serious problem with her staying and wishes the show were a monarchy so Mikaela could stay. She tells Brittani that she has no advice about how to improve and that it's up to Brittani to figure that out for herself. Tyra is basically this mad:

I hope the judges have security to protect them from Angry Tyra! Poor Eric Daman! He doesn't deserve this! Oh yeah...I almost forgot. Mikaela goes home and does a classy exit interview.

Bye!

Next week: Go-sees! Brittani being dumb! Garbage dump photo shoot! Hopefully Tyra will do something like this to Brittani and/or Nigel!

XOXO,
Emily

Best supermodels ever pic via thegloss.com; Ford Focus pic via wikipedia.com; Eva photo via soaps.sheknows.com