Hooray for Naps!: It's Tyra!!!!

The dreaded recap episode! My blog post recap is super late because I had no ambition to write about this lame episode. What a waste of an hour! Why do they even bother with this episode during every cycle? Next cycle, they should just let Tyra do this for an hour:

What did we learn about Tyra this week?

Not much. We learn that Tyra's recap narration is boring. Tyra also felt it was really important to see this again:

Did anything else happen this week?

Apart from recapping what we already know from watching this season, we learn a few random tidbits about the contestants. We learn that Hannah is one of thooooose ladies that believes in crystals and such. The girls make her wave her crystals over their vagina chakras. Really? I refuse to post a screencap of the vagina crystal nonsense, so here's Kasia getting her noggin crystal'd.

I predict that crystal waving will be a photo shoot next cycle

There's lots of lameness: requisite clip of girls imitating Miss J and panel, Jaclyn can't make a bed, Monique thinks being sexy and having a booty is stressful, blah, blah, blah. There's a fun montage of Sara being awesome, including her Ozzy impression:

The only interesting moment in the whole episode comes from some conflict between Dominique and Sara. Dominique thinks that Sara's habit of waving her finger (like Danny from The Shining) is weird and teases her. Sara responds by telling Dominique to be nice or face a vagina kick. It's a weirdly friendly fight, but a fight just the same.

REDRUM! I will kick you in the vagina!

After a boring segment about how Kasia is old and has nice skin, we get into the real drekitude of this episode: Alexandria's rap! She's swapped her bonnet for a bandana and is a rapper now. Here it is in it's entirety, so you can witness:

Jaclyn agrees with Mr. Jay that Covergirls do not swear and makes a swear jar for the pottymouths of the house (mainly Monique, Molly and Mikaela). The sound editors got to use the "ka-ching" sound effect lots, so hopefully that was fun for them. We then get to revisit the ~~paid extra~~ fan challenge, and the weirdo joker guy who kissed Alexandria is mean to Molly. Unnecessary. Look for him as an extra on Wildcats next week.

"I took care of all the hairstylists who gave me that nasty weave.
Don't make me Naomi Campbell you fella!"

When we re-visit Kasia, Brittani and Jaclyn's dinner with Miss J, we have a fun exchange where Jaclyn asks Miss J to set her up on a date and Miss J tries to find out what kind of guy she wants:

Miss J - What kind of wallet should he have?

Jaclyn - A leather one

We also hear about Alexandria's fantasy friendship with Miss J, and she tells Molly that she would suggest they "go on the San Tropez and have a nice glass of wine and talk about fashion."

"If I play dead, you'll stop talking, yes?"

There's a clip of the girls acting all foolish after seeing Usher and P-Diddy in the lobby of their building. I think that Tyra made the editors include this clip because she was jealous that the girls were more excited to see Diddy than her. Reality show wars! The episode of Making The Band 2 where Diddy makes the kids walk to Brooklyn to get him Junior's Cheesecake is pretty Tyra-esque. Tyra and Diddy: you are both rich and into yourselves. Don't fight! Best friends forever!

We get to the Alexandria vs. Brittani drama, and find out that Hannah had a meltdown during the Ford commercial challenge. It's pretty embarrassing to watch. Kinda sad that Hannah is upset for being called forgettable by Nigel, and even her meltdown is not exciting enough to make it into the actual episode .

"What? Do I have to wear a bonnet to get some attention?"

Is this episode over yet? Not quite. More rehashing, more rehashing...oh, we get to say goodbye to Molly's weave! Molly is sending it home to be made into a sweater

Before the credits roll, we get an update of what Cycle 15 winner Ann is up to. She had her Vogue Italia shoot, with Ellen Von Unwerth, and now lives in New York.